I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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