I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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