It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
