What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He passed out mid-signature
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
