I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
