Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
