Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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