I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
