and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize