I am in a vortex of obligation.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
