new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
