seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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