her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
