you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
