drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
