I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
