I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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