Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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