Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
