Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize