She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
