I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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