Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
