My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize