"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
