i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
