think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
