Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize