Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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