she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
