My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
