I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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