Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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