i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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