Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
