I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
