i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm like, not good at living.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
