so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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