I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Found the puke drawer
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
