you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
