but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
