I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
