The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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