He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
