God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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