some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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