Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
