somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
