my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
