Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
