:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
