Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
