He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
