Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
