escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
