did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
