So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
