I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize