I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
