Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
