Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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