I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
