Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
