i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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