Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
