And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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