It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
