He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
