i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
