He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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