Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
