you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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