Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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