and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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