You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
