There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
