God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
