haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
