I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have feelings that need drinking.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize