Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
