Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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