You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
