Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
