the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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